eve’s crazy ramblings about stone babies.
I guess I’m supposed to add links to horse hymens now.
3 years agoBut I feel like they are such old news. And I’m feeling relatively uninspired. I was discussing stone babies yesterday over key lime pie gelato and (don’t shun me) I kind of want one. I know it would be wrong to buy one, being that it would probably have to come from the black market and all, and I don’t really want to risk getting pregnant with a non-stone baby. Buuuuuuuuut… I don’t think that it’s really too much to ask. I don’t expect very much out of life, and this is just one small thing that, somehow, I should be able to obtain.
You know how they say big girls don’t cry? Well, neither do stone babies. Don’t judge me. People want all kinds of things that suit their lifestyle. Hummer? No thanks. Stocks and bonds? Let’s be real. I don’t even have a savings account. Shotgun? Uh. Don’t hunt, and just because my relatives are rednecks doesn’t mean that I’m one. Break the chain already. What would I do with a fancy kitchen set? I might look a little bit like Martha Stewart, but I can guarantee you that my souffle would collapse before it even started to rise. Diamonds? No. Gadgets? Eh. Butler? I like my dirt where I put it, and I don’t want anyone to answer my door. McMansion? PIcket fence? Manicured lawn? Really?
Stone baby? YES, PLEASE. I mean, the reality of the matter is that stone babies happen. What are you going to do with it? Throw it in the bio-hazard dumpster? That is sick and wrong. Stone babies need love too. Don’t you think it’s sad that stone baby wouldn’t have anyone to knit little stone baby sweater sets and sing stone baby lullabies? THAT is a tragedy. I would provide stone baby with everything it needs. Love. Motherly devotion. Protection from the outside world. We could go on walks. Take in the culture and smell the roses. Stone baby deserves humanity, and I DESERVE STONE BABY.
